It Forces All The Blood Into My Heart.

That one thing we shared together.

2012-02-12T08:32:00.001+08:00

Hello, blog! I just changed the theme again. I never rlly liked that last one. And I'm not sure if I rlly like this one. See, that's my problem nowadays. There's this giant cloud of doubt inside my head that interferes with almost every single decision I make every freakin' day. One second I'll be in love with my outfit and then a few minutes later(or even seconds!) I'll hate it and then look for another one. It's so annoying that I started thinking of admitting myself to a mental institution or something. Haha, I'm insane.

Anyhow, there's a busy week ahead! There are a bunch of things that I have to go through before this week ends:

Wall climbing finals at Market Market on Wednesday
I think we also CWTS at PGH so additional stress
Genre Analysis Project for Comm
Geo exam
Chem lab exam
Buy gift for Kzl. Advance happy birthday! ♥ So stoked for Saturday
Some decision making. I hate decision making
And then finish rewriting le notes. Boo

I also wanna go to the UP fair but I dunno when. There's this Wednesday night and then the Saturday night. The Saturday one has some cool bands in it but there's Kzl's party. But I wanna see Up Dharma Down perform live. But it's already sooooo late then. But.. But.. HAHA.The Wednesday one looks good too. Avvin's inviting us to buy tickets because the concert is by Destiny and there's Gary V. and Imago! Heeee, Imago. :> I wanna wanna wanna go.. Here's to hopeful wishing that my parents would let me.

Oh, yesterday was nice! Lol, not really. It was our Chem exam and I went to school wearing one of the most comfortable jackets ever. Oversized jackets ftw! Sir Quiming arrived late so we started late and then half an hour or so into our exam, my very demanding tummy started grumbling. Chances of surviving the test dropped immediately since I had to battle my way through Stoich and Nuclear Chem and blahblahblah with a very hungry stomach. Uggggh. Well, I survived the test. Barely. I couldn't finish it because I was too dumb to find the empirical and molecular formula of a freakin' dimethylhydrazine(idk if that's correct i think i'm just making this word up) and then uggggghhhh. Haha, must stop ranting. Must pass Chem. Must stop being dumb.

Ronnie came over yesterday. (yaaaaay) I missed him a lot. And I love the fact that even silence is comfortable when we're together.(lolwhuuuut?) I hate the fact that we're still not good. Le sigh. You can do this, Bea! :D

Just live.

2012-02-09T20:08:00.003+08:00

So, the past days have been the most stressful for me. The days consist of me thinking and thinking and thinking and then getting positive energy from awesome friends while the nights are made up of me thinking and thinking and crying and crying till I fall asleep. As you can see, I've been neglecting my studies lately but I hope I can get sipag vibes again. Everything will be alright.

My guess is that there are still some people who are mad at me. Or just upset. Or who think of me as a very evil person. Well, I won't concentrate much on them because it's peer pressure that's draining out all my energy and smiles. Must stop overthinking! :)

What else has been happening? There's the great love I have for my college friends because they're always there for me at school during the time when I was so confused and at loss and I didn't know what to do. I love you, friends! And they're there during the fun fun fun times, too. I can't help but smile whenever I'm with them. Heeee, cheesy. Also, I have great love for those HS friends who actually showed concern. I hope they're real friends.

Had a really balanced day! Just the enough amount of happiness and sadness. Haha. I went to school with a smile on my face because I was hopeful and positive. Then, we skipped Comm for the physical exam(dayum, idk where i put that certificate the doctor gave. i am so dead omg). Went to PE. Idk what we did but we just ran our asses off. Running is fun especially when you can feel the wind on your face and the thought of reaching something at the end of the track. Sadly, the "track" we had wasn't actually a track but still. Wind on my face + sweat + exhaustion. Totally made me happy. Borrowed Jurs' creepy baby doll then we headed for Rob and hung out there. Gawd, the stares the people were giving us while I was holding the doll like a baby. One guy told us that he thought he was going to faint when he saw the doll bump its head. It was freakin' fuuuuun. Headed out to go back to school. Street was crowded because of Corona's supporters. More stares as Collin and I swing the baby while walking joyfully along Faura. More laughs when we got back at CAS. Found out that classes were suspended. Monopoly Deal. Strolled around Rob alone while listening to music and welcoming the emo vibes. Home! :)

I'm wishing for brighter days ahead. Tho, that's quite impossible with the situation I have now but whatever. A girl can hope, can't she?

And to Ronnie, I'm sorry. I love you.

It will never be easy.

2012-02-05T10:23:00.001+08:00

I just changed my blog layout. Again. I was never really satisfied with that last one. And I don't know why I'm telling you this. Haha. I guess I just need to go through a major personality change 'cause I'm still the same horrible person that I was before. But I'm not here to talk about that. This week has been a rollercoaster ride because of its ups and downs and awesome loops and since I'm a big biiiiiig rollercoaster lover, that just meant that this week has been awesome. Despite the nights where in I felt depressed because of nothing. Weird, yes. So, uhm.. bullets!

DigiPelikula Sa Manila Opening Night! I blogged about this, right? Haha, k.
Science exhibit. Our group's proposal was denied so we didn't feel the stress of putting up a booth.
Delicious green tea swirl froyo from Red Mango.
No Sciences for the whole week! Only CommII and Psych10.
PAASCU ppl at school. Boooooo!!
Wall Climbing @ Market market.
First time to sit at our car's compartment.
First time to go to BGC. Beautiful beautiful place. If only we had the money to buy a property there. HAHA.
The day after wall climbing: "my aaaaarrrmsssss *insert face painted with agony here*" loljk.
Started listening to Ludo songs religiously again. (and it feels so wrooooong to sing this soooong but maybe somehow you'll here and hum along) ♥
Getting addicted to Lana Del Rey songs. I love her voice. So.. 50's? 60's? something?
Got amazed at how brainy Chinese high school students are when we watched the Quizzardry. They should be in college already!
Stayed late at school for the preparations for the Variety Show. And because I freakin' wanted to dance.
I think I don't know how to dance anymore. /sadrealization
But I'm still gonna audition for Indayog. And DPSM Chorale. Because I think I'm not that bad of a singer at all. Ok, I don't know how to sing but I'm still gonna audition!
I srsly miss doing extra-curricular stuff.
Wanna live in a dorm/condo/apartment to get a taste of independence! Nakakahiya na kasi lagi na lang ako nagpapahintay kapag uwian. :( :)
Wanna live in a dorm/condo/apartment with my cousins! Ha!
Date with Ronnie @ Rob.
I couldn't believe that we were eating for a long time.
Timezone. Videoke with him.
Finally sang I Hate This Part by PCD on the videoke! Birit moments. Hahaha.
Variety show. Already blogged about this.
People looking 29347329 times more attractive because of their semi-formal attires.
Lazy Saturday.
Got upset at a friend 'cause I thought we were friends but I guess we were never really that close so I guess I understand him/her.
Lana Del Rey songs all daaaaaay and all niiiiggghhhht.

Come with me to the sea of love.

2012-02-03T21:28:00.000+08:00

Today, I went to school in a sort of bad mood and then went home from school feeling the same. But my mood in between those two are happy happy happy.
Planned to leave the house at 7am. Woke up at 7am.
Practice for the variety show at school.
Met with Ronnie at Rob. We planned on watching a movie but it was too early so we ate instead.
Greenwich with him. Freakin' full.
Dragged him to the Awarding + Variety show of DPSM at GSP.
GSP's auditorium is beautifuuuuul.
He left 'cause he still had classes that time.
More practice for our dance.
Our batch's performance was.. hahahaha not good. But at least we enjoyed. Heh. It was pretty much embarrassing for me, tho.
Saw a shower cubicle at the backstage while we were changing to our dresses. Showered. Aww yeaaah.
Picture taking outside the auditorium. Everybody was pretty and handsome. I wish there were more events like that one in the near future. Hee.
My plan on going to DLA was cancelled. Watched the show till the end. Didn't regret it. A part of me was kind of glad that my plan didn't push thru. And then another part missed high school.
Ok, all the batch ID's were awesome! The performance of the 3rd years and seniors were the best. The seniors' batch ID almost made me cry. Idk why I'm so emotional. Maybe I missed being a senior.
The whole DPSM week was fun. And it's so sweet that the people think of DPSM as their family.
So.. uhm. DPSM week's over. It's time to deal with acads. Ugh.
Rant: I waaaaaant/neeeeeed to live in a condo/apartment/dorm. Or just commute on my own. Or just drive on my own. Parents, y u no think I'm independent and responsible?

You're Awful, I Love You.

2012-02-01T21:07:00.002+08:00

So I was lying in bed a few minutes ago when Hum Along played on my iPod and I was like, "maaaaan, i miss singing this sooooong" and so I started singing it again and again. Hum Along's bridge part is one of the bestest bridges everrrr. I could sing it again and again without getting tired of it. Well, I will get tired because singing tires me but whatever. Because of that, I watched Love Me Dead's music video which is still hilarious for me and then this song Whipped Cream which has a very erotic music video. Not actually erotic.. it's just sexy without exactly being sexy. Mhmm, that didn't make sense. Ludo will always be one of my most favorite bands and their songs will always be timeless for me 'cause I can listen to their songs after 5 or 10 years and still love 'em and sing 'em and even dance to 'em. They have a new album and I can't wait to go back to California to look for it and buy it. If you guys are lookin' for a band that makes creepy lyrics sound sweet, listen to Ludo! They've got humor and good music. Plus, they make use of a moog which makes their music more awesome than the other bands out there. Hahaha.

Their best songs(in my opinion) are: Love Me Dead, Hum Along, Laundry Girl, and all the songs in their EP, Broken Bride. Broken Bride is a rock opera so it has a story in it like the songs of Coheed and Cambria. Listen to them, guys! And you won't regret it. ;)

Bless my soul.

2012-01-29T11:42:00.003+08:00

Sundaaaaay. I can't believe the weekend's coming to an end again. Why is Monday so far from Friday and yet Friday's so close to Monday? Doesn't matter. The past days have been good. :)

My cousins and I went to DLA last Friday for the Mr. & Ms. Palaro finals. As we got off the car, we heard the ending of the DLA hymn and we were like, "dafuq, we missed the program." Students were already celebrating and some were going back to their classrooms. It was such a bummer that we didn't get to watch the contestants showcase their beauty and all. Good thing, tho, 'cause the school still got that fresh feeling it always had. The wind was blowing and the banderitas were making that beautiful sound whenever it's Palaro week. I always loved that about our alma mater. I also got a hug(man, i love hugs) from Cher Roda. Yaaaaay. I'm so glad that she and S. Erb are safe after what happened to them last Saturday. Le tsktsktsk. We hung out at the school for a while and then with my cousins, I headed to Mcdo for more food! Why more? Because I had my first lunch at Pepper Lunch with my college friends! Hahahaha. Another one checked off at my College Bucket List. The food was goooooood and it was.. fulfilling. I do not suggest eating there when you're trying to save money, tho. It was really pricey! My order was already 300 something for Pete's sake. I'm not used to spending that much on food but whatever. Trying new stuff is good. Uhh.. going back to Mcdo. We ate there and then went home to watch The Walking Dead. Steven Yeun/Glenn is our fave character! Heeee.

Watched more zombies the next morning. Then, I got dressed for the Premiere Night of DigiPelikula Sa Manila which was some event done by DPSM every year for the Science Week, I think? I had a really embarrassing moment when I arrived at school. I was trying to get acquainted with the heels I was wearing so I was trying my best to walk with elegance. But when I entered RH, I freakin' slipped. There were a lot of people at the RH lobby and ugggggh. It was so embarrassing. What made it more embarrassing was the fact that I laughed on my own. Like a retard. *sigh* I'm glad that I'm a nobody at school. Screw you, RH's slippery floor. Screw you, heels. The film showing started at 5:30-ish and all the movies were great. My faves were Untimely by the Fourth Year's and Trece by the Faculty. Our batch's film was fun to watch. I wish there was a subtitle, tho, 'cause the audio wasn't clear at all. It was a good night! Everybody did an awesome job.

Today, I will read more. And think more. And then do mooooooore thinking. And then read again. And then think. Haha.

For good vibes:

2012-01-24T23:00:00.003+08:00

Here's a list of must-read's and must-watch's(hahaha that doesn't sound right). Lately, I've been thinking that I shouldn't rely on others for my happiness 'cause I, myself, can be my own best friend, how forever alone it may sound. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't socialize or hang out with friends. It's just that there's this loneliness inside me and this crappy feeling that I have no friends or best friends. Uhh.. Haha. Moving on to the list:

Must-read:

Millennium trilogy by Stieg Larsson
More Chuck Palahniuk books!!
The Lake by Banana Yoshimoto
Married with zombies by Jesse Petersen
My Name is Memory by Ann Brashares(i don't freakin' who borrowed this one)
Fragile Things by Neil Gaiman
I need the 11th installment of the Women's Murder Club Series!
I Would Find A Girl Walking by Kathy Kelly & Diana Montane
The rest of my Paulo Coelho collection
Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom
The Summer I Turned Pretty by Jenny Han(plus it's 2nd and 3rd installment)
The Soulscreamers series by Rachel Vincent
Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris
And soooooo much more!

Must-watch:

Walking Dead season2 (this one's making me obsess about the zombie apocalypse)
El Hazard: The Alternative World
Modern Family season3
American Horror Story
Community
Big Bang Theory
True Blood Season5!!!!!!!11!!
Skins
And some anime's I can't remember. Lol.

And to make me the happiest person ever.. All I need are contentment, good grades, good sleep, good health, peace of mind, awesome people, happiness, and a daily dose of hugs.

Put a little love in it!

2012-01-23T10:36:00.001+08:00

Happy Chinese New Year! Or is it really Lunar New Year? Uhh.. Happy Chinese and/or Lunar New Year! :D

No classes for today. Yay yeah! So I'm either gonna bum all day or study for our Math exams tomorrow. Or.. I can just bum this morning and then start being productive later. I just hope I won't cram tonight. Or else I might fail an exam again. *le sad face*

Yesterday was great! :) Well, the falling asleep while standing at church wasn't great but other parts were much better than that. Finally, lappy the laptop is clean and organized again. Went to SM Southmall after lunch. Mom told us that we should wear new slippers and undies for the New Year so we bought ourselves some. I just can't believe that I'm already a size 9 when it comes to shoes. This slippers lies! :| Anyhow, the cashier lady at the store gave us an Our Daily Bread for free and I'm supeeeer dupeeeer happy that she did because I've been planning to buy one but I always forget to do so. Also bought pastries from this new bakery near the new Starbucks. Mmmmm.. their cakes are rlly creative and you would think twice before eating them because the decors are just too beautiful. Went home after eating at Jollibee.

Oh, Mom also told us that we shouldn't take a bath or.. I forgot her exact words. I'll just got with the don't take a bath.. for the New Year. Being the obedient/lazy daughter that I am, I will not take a bath for the whole day.

Sweet sweet Saturday

2012-01-21T21:51:00.001+08:00

This is probably the best Saturday I've had so far this year. I just felt no worry or anything even tho there's a Math exam coming up again. I think I'm gonna start studying for that tmrw. Right after I've prayed hard to God. God, please help me pass Math73.

Anyhoo, since I finished my Chem stuff last night(booyeah!), I had the whole day to myself and my laziness. It started off with spending an hour or two in front of the computer, as usual. Then, watched One Day! That is it. Anne Hathaway is officially my fave actress. She's just gorgeous and talented and she does well with an English accent. The movie made me cry an ocean that when Ronnie came over I was still crying. It was just a very beautiful + sad story. Plus, the European setting was wonderful. It was worth the watch.

Had a great time with Ronnie after the movie. Finally! After weeks, we finally saw each other again! Ate food from Mcdo and.. had fun. Which we always have because we're super duper freakin' megaaaaa awesome like that.

Watched another movie after he left. Forgetting Sarah Marshall! Oh em. Jason Segel + Russell Brand + Mila Kunis + Jonah Hill + that girl from Veronica Mars. Had 429462504 laughs. Mila Kunis is just HOT. Jason Segel is just hilarious. And I salute him for letting the public see his.. err.. private part. :))

Pretty Little Liars and Modern Family in between of those "highlights" of my day. Thinking/analyzing on who A is is just killing me from inside! I hope they keep the show that interesting so that everybody will watch on until the time they reveal who that creep is.

Uhh, so that's how my day went. Pretty boring, I know, but it was great since this week has been nothing but stress and depression and emo moments(lolyeah). I needed this lazy day. Tomorrow, I shall hit the books.

Please don't sleep tonight.

2012-01-15T21:00:00.000+08:00

Parents are back from Capiz this morning. Good thing I was already feeling good that time because breakfast was just delicious! They brought home some yummy foods so I guess I won't be feeling hungry here at home for quite some time. Awwyeaah.

The start of this week will be hella stressful especially with our Math exam coming up. It's the first one and I swear I'm gonna kill myself if I fail this. If I pass it but still get a low score, I'm gonna hurt myself. I need to excel like once in my college life. I super duper need this. Other than the exam, there's a lot to do for our Chem Lab. But whatevs. That'll be done before tmrw. I hope.

Those #itsmorefunin*insert school here* tweets really made me miss DLA. Again. Lalalala~ I miss high school. I freakin' miss high school. Everything's easier in high school. Everything's more peaceful in high school. I miss lying down on the bleachers especially when it's windy and it's a quiet afternoon. I miss lying down on the classroom's floor especially when it didn't have tiles yet. I miss lying down.. everywhere. Lol. At college, I can't lie down. Because it feels like the floor and I aren't better acquainted yet. Haha, arteeee. I also miss my friends. Who I can be gay with anytime I want because I'm malandi like that. I miss the teachers. I miss the lockers. And Ronnie who accompanies me and helps me with my books. Yieee. I miss the friendly vendors at the canteen and at the Grade school lobby. I miss the Kuya Guard's and Kuya Chip(chief hahaha) at the guardhouse. I miss T&CW! I miss the dam. I miss dancing on the stage. I miss the ramp. I miss everything. That includes the horrible smell and smoke the canteen has upon entering it.

So ako na hindi maka-move on. Problema mo, Bea?

Moving on, I am proud to say that I'm a great stalker of pretty and gorgeous and very veryyyy pretty ladies. Just sayin'.

Ok, 3 things to do for tonight:

Chem14.1 lab report
Chem14.1 MSDS + schematic diagram
Study for Math73 depex(i can do this!)

Have a good night. :)

2012-01-14T22:01:00.000+08:00

Today wasn't a good day. Same as yesterday. There were good parts but.. life just knows how to suck sometimes.

Yesterday made me feel like a dumbass. Yesterday made me feel like a no one. Yesterday made me feel useless. Yesterday, I had to cry my shit out like a little baby.

Today, I got tired of self-pity so I just made myself happy by sleeping and watching Anne Hathaway on Becoming Jane. It had an interesting story that I wanted to buy a Jane Austen book near the end of the movie. Anne Hathaway was an amazing actress while portraying her role. As usual. While James McAvoy was.. a very pleasant sight to see. Ha ha. The whole film was great. The setting was great. Their costumes were great. Gawd, how I wish I lived during the Middle Ages. Fancy balls, wearing gowns.. *daydream*

Uhm, moving on. So I tried to make myself happy by watching that movie and some Modern Family and also sleeping.. But to no avail, I still felt like crap. Dafuq. I feel super shitty right now. I just wanna sleep forever or lie in bed forever or.. feel better. Lalalala~ I guess I'm sleeping early tonight. (10pm is early enough)

It would be nice..

2012-01-12T19:50:00.000+08:00

..to go on a roadtrip. Seeing the commercial earlier about Ilocos Norte just made me want to learn how to drive and then go on a freakin' looooooong roadtrip alone or maybe with my love or with my greatest friends. Wouldn't it be perfect? Going to a beautiful place with the people you love and then absorbing all those positive energies from nature and from them to remove all the negative crap you get from school.. or real life. Le sigh. But I'm definitely putting it on my bucket list. I hope someone can give me driving lessons. If only there's time.. If only we have a summer vacation. Oh, school. Such cruelty.

But school's okay, actually. I'm trying my best to lengthen my attention span whenever there's a lecture. And there are awesome people around me so I'm all smiley-person for the most part of the day. Also, there are some girls I've been eyeing lately. Lol, stalker. But srsly there are a lot of pretty girls at school. I can't help but get hoity-toity whenever I see them. /lesbo

Uhhm. Here's a thought.. What if the world actually ends this year? Will you accept your fate whatever it may be? Or will you be filled with regrets? Thinking of the what-if's and the what-could-have-been's. Idk why I'm thinking of this right now. Maybe it's because of what we were discussing about in our Geo class earlier. Uhh, whatever. Lol don't mind me.

I hope to God that I can figure out what's wrong with me before I die.

Brush it off.

2012-01-07T13:11:00.001+08:00

It was Papa's birthday yesterday! Oh, how time flies. Only one more year before he becomes a senior citizen. We're all getting old too fast. Thinking about it makes me sad deep inside.

School yesterday was okay. I mean nothing special happened. Though the speech our Math prof gave us before dismissing us really inspired me even though I didn't listen to it much. Well, I just realized a lot of stuff because of his words. I realized that all my life I've been taking school for granted. I realized that now in college, I'm not trying to learn. I'm trying to survive. I realized that I should start listening more to our Math prof because he's a good teacher. I also realized that I should start listening to all my profs because they are all good teachers. Why wouldn't they be? They teach at UP, for Pete's sake. And there are more realizations. Some were not even related to his speech. :))

After classes, hung out at CAS garden because there was a meeting for this film that our batch is doing. Of course, I didn't help. Haha. When my cousins arrived, we headed home and I went straight to our office for Papa's party. Of course, I didn't help in preparing. I was busy. Busy lying down on the bed and watching TV.

Just ate a lot during the party and had a good time laughing with my cousins. I had a nice time. :)

Excited for tmrw! I just hope we're going to the mall tmrw. Or else. :|

Random: I miss my high school friends. Their the most huggable friends I ever had.

This night sky.

2012-01-05T22:50:00.002+08:00

Met with 4 of the most important people in my life for the first time this year. That is one reason why I should be happy right now. And I am. Promise, I really am.

We had no PE this afternoon and Ronnie's Draw subject dismissed them early so we had a chance to hang out at the mall after 5308723947 days. Seeing him again sure did make my day right away. We had hours to waste with each other so we spent it by walking around and being sweet, eating yummy food, and then playing at Timezone. Being with him relaxes me. Idk how but it does. Maybe it's because I can be my total self and not care about how crazy I act when we're together? I'm not sure but it feels really good. :) Sadly, time flies whenever we're dating. During class, 5 minutes seem like forever. When we're bonding, 3 hours feel like a couple of minutes. What kind of sorcery is that?

Then, after classes, Chele, Dothy and I had an impromptu plan(haha, how contradicting) to visit Jho for her birthday. It was totally out of the blue so I had no time to buy her a nice gift. Good thing I had some decent leftover gifts from last Christmas and that's what I gave to her. Hahaha. Hung out outside their house and ate and told stories and simply just did some catching up since it's been really long since we last saw each other. Them and a windy + starry night. It was great. I would've stayed longer if it wasn't a school night. Boohoo. :))

I hope there'd be more days like this one. Though I didn't like the fact that I was all lazy and sleepy at school.. Or the whole day. Haha. Forever sleepy. -.-

Modern Family

2012-01-04T20:25:00.002+08:00

Last year, I downloaded Modern Family because it got me curious a while back when we were staying at my brother's last summer. So glad that I started watching this since I was thinking about deleting it 'cause I was so hooked up on El Hazard. Haha. This series can actually make me laugh and then making me cry in just one 20-minute episode. It's really good.

So basically it's a mockumentary about 3 "modern" families. There's Jay's family where in he remarried Gloria, a Colombian. Then there's Phil and Claire's family which is really fun to watch because they shout at each other and yet they love each other so much. Lastly is Cameron and Mitchell's family. They're a gay couple who adopted a Vietnamese baby.

It's great to watch a TV show like this. I get a lot of laughs during a whole episode but near the end of it, you get the lesson. And I always tear up because I have a soft spot for stories about families.

I just wish our family can be as close as this one. Or maybe even closer.

Speaking of family, Dad's birthday is coming up. Still haven't thought of an inexpensive gift for him. Uh oh.

Self-improvement.

2012-01-01T17:03:00.002+08:00

New Year's Resolutions are way overrated that's why I'm naming this list Ways to Improve Myself Forevah! Lolyeah jeje forever right there. I didn't wanna put it here at first but earlier I found it difficult to do all these so maybe posting it will make it easier for me to process this list.

Develop good study habits. Because I never had good study habits. Not when I was in elementary(except when I was in grade1 and 2), not when I was in high school, especially not now in college. I need to do this because I hafta make my parents proud of me. They always made me feel like I'm not doing enough because I really am not doing enough. So from now on, I will study. And I will not complain about it because it's the least I can do for my ever-loving parents. :)
Have fun! Even though I am having the most boring time of my life, I must find a way to enjoy things! This way, I can be more positive and more full of energy!
Always smile. When I'm having a bad day, I just smile at myself in front of the mirror and then make sexy poses that will surely make you puke. Doing that makes me laugh at myself for looking so silly and then boom! Bad day not so bad anymore.
Love more, hate less. I always tell this to myself because I tend to mumble angry words under my breath if I'm irritated at something. Must learn to love even the most irritating things. And people.
Be fair to every one. I've learned this from Ronnie. Eventually, people you have been unfair to will get mad at you and haunt you for the wrong things you've done. To prevent that from happening, be fair to them. If they love you, love them back. If they treat you like crap, don't treat them like crap. Just make them feel like crap. Haha.
Strive for excellence. Being a UP student made me realize that I'll never survive in that university if I'm satisfied with mediocrity. I have to do my best and be my best at everything. A bet between us friends on who can reach the CR with blindfolds on? I'll do my freakin' best. Everything must be done with effort. I must become a CS!
Exercise daily and eat less. No more holidays means no more pigging out means must eat less means must also exercise. I love food. A lot. But I think I can survive by eating food only when I need to. That and exercising may help me in losing all these excess fats and give me that body I've been longing for since I saw the VS Angels Fashion Show.
Positive thinking! Positive thinking leads to positive actions leads to positive results!
Make every moment matter. This one's like the 2nd in the list. The only thing different here is that I have to make sure that I never let a dull moment pass. I must always do something. I must always be productive.
Pray. Talking to God soothes me because I can tell Him everything. My worries, my gratitude, my happiness. Everything. Plus, it improves my relationship with Him.
Needs > Wants. Learn to prioritize. Just because it looks pretty or it looks like a really fun board game doesn't mean you have to buy it right away. Stop being an impulsive buyer, Bea. You need to save money for a DSLR. Hahaha.
Hope for the best but expect the worst. That way, chances of disappointment will decrease exponentially. A person gets disappointed if he expects. Many experiences have taught me that. But that doesn't that I have to think negatively. There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. :)
Have confidence and get out of your comfort zone! I think this is the most important in the whole list. I must stop hating myself whenever I think I'm the ugliest person in the world or the worst person ever. Because I'm not ugly. And I'm not the worst. I'm pretty even tho I don't have the right amount of estrogen to produce womanly body parts. I'm smart. I am a nice person. I am beautiful inside and out. I hafta stop being shy because it hinders me from doing my best.
More books. More music. And more video games. Because these things make me happy and cheery. :>
Learn, develop, and grow. Learning mustn't cease because there are no classes. I must learn something every day. I mustn't be afraid to add more knowledge to my brain. Next time we go swimming, Imma ask my cousins if they can teach me how to.. swim. Hahaha. Learn how to play the guitar from my love. Learn how to play the piano.. right after we get our organ fixed. Learn Icelandic. Learn Italian. Learn. Learn. Learn. And develop. And grow because I wanna be tall. Hee.
Go lang ng go! Got this one from Globe. Ha. Just go with the flow and take the opportunities that come your way. ;)
What matters the most: the people you love, God, and yourself. That doesn't mean nature doesn't matter or I don't care for the less fortunate. Loving God is the complete package. :D
Express yourself. I will sing my heart out even tho I don't have the most pleasant voice. I will dance and move my body to the music of the world. I will write(or blog) to let out my deepest thoughts and feelings.
Do what you love. Love what you do. Love to take long walks? Do it. Doing the hardest homework in the entire world? Learn to love it. Haha.
Lastly, I will let my mind mature but I will always have the heart and soul or spirit or whatever of a child. :) I will grow up but I will always be a child. I will always be amazed whenever I go to Toys R Us or Toy Kingdom. I will always be excited for Disneyland and amusement parks. I will always look at a board game or an action figure and think if I can encourage my mom to buy it for me. I will stay young even though my physical body's getting old every second.

Goodbye, 2011. Hello, 2012.

2011-12-31T17:31:00.003+08:00

Goodbye, 2011. You have been a hell of a roller coaster ride. You're filled with great memories and awesome people that I will bring with me until 2012. Or maybe the years after that, too. I wouldn't call you the most awesome year ever 'cause that would be called exaggeration. But, you were awesome. I've learned lessons because of the bad and good times. I've made new friends. I took chances and there won't be any regrets. Thank you, 2012. Thank You, God. Thank you, loved ones. :)

Okay, kakain na ko ng kakain mamaya kasi last na 'to for this year. Note-to-self: iwasan ang matatamis. Nagsusugat na lalamunan ko. Haha, fml. Happy new year! Take care. (btw, you can take care by downloading safe firecrackers from DOH's website. lol that's what we'll be hearing laturr. we so cool!)

Farewell.

2011-12-30T21:41:00.001+08:00

2011 is coming to an end and 2012 is drawing near. I opened my Belle de Jour 2011 again before putting it in my special box where my precious memories are stored. It was a bit surprising that I actually achieved some of the goals I listed there. Though the part where in I have to lose my belly, get awesome grades, jump the Stratosphere at Vegas, etc. were failures. Haha. I'm sure I have more time to do those this 2012. Other than those, this planner has been amazing because I got to fill it with experiences I had, whether it be awesome or not awesome. Here's a loooong list of 'em:

Had an overnight stay at San Francisco. One of the most beautiful cities I've seen.
California Adventure with brothers and Kuya's friend.
Hokkaido buffet where in we ate until our stomachs are about to explode.
Griffith Park. It's an observatory above a mountain. We heard that Pacquiao jogs there every morning when he has a fight coming up. The view of Los Angeles there is breathtaking.
Spent New Year at my brother's.
Found out that I passed the UPCAT and the DLSUCET when we came home from the airport.
Got a rose from Ronnie for our 1st month. Then, he went to our office with S. Erbert for my Dad's birthday party. KV!
Had a hard time deciding on which college to go to. If I would go for Biochem or Human Bio?
Pairing for prom. And the start of practices for prom. Practice for prom = most exhausting part of the day.
Also, practices for swing. The song we danced to was one of my faves when I was in elementary. I forgot the title. Ugh. It goes, everywhere I go there's a smile I see. or something like that..
Entrance exam at DLS-HSI where in I slept for an hour or so because I'm cool like that.
Mr. & Ms. Palaro Elimination round. I was lucky enough to qualify. Who can resist a tennis outfit with dangling earrings? HAHA.
General Rehearsal of the prom at Bellevue.
Mr. & Ms. Palaro talent portion. Danced to Time of my Life. It was an epic success even tho we didn't win. Haha.
Finished the Hunger Games.
Gali drama. :(
Silent drill practices!
Palaro week!
Mr. & Ms. Palaro finals. My really really prettygorgeousawesome friend, MJ, won. Really proud of her at that time. Really happy for myself, too! I tried my best to hide my shyness and it went good. I think. :))
Silent drill. We showed the authority who were bringing us down that we can do the freakin' drill. And it was a success. Awwyieeee.
All seniors were assigned to different committees and I was in the Records. Records people run/walk around the school to get the records(obviously) from the different games.
First time to eat shawarma.
Bonding with my loooooove! Haha, S. Erbert got mad at us when he saw us lying down on the floor. :(
Convenience store with him in the morning. ♥ I remember the cold weather during that week. Ah, I miss T&CW.
Bonding at Mcdo with A4.
Last day of Palaro was filled with BV because of the losses. Good thing the Gali boys won Basketball! Awwyieeee.
Walked with Ronnie at T&CW which led to trouble that day. Heeee.
Awarding ceremony. Batch ritual! Picture galore with friends. A great class picture with Galibogs.
Bonding with Lamarck.
Lost my voice the following day.
Finished Catching Fire.
Finished the Swing dance for prom.
Galibogs at Fab.K's.
Mini bivouac at school! I remember rappelling from our school's 3rd floor. Haha.
Ice cream with Ronnie! HAHA. Kabado moments.
Feb.14! We were practicing all day for our swing when my classmates told me to come up to the room because Sir was looking for me. When I arrived, I saw my armchair filled with post-its and a cake and a teddy bear on top of the desk. Cheesy Ronnie is cheesy. :">
Mad Science! Lightning Luis!
Ronnie invaded my Belle de Jour. I remember us wrestling on the floor 'cause I was too embarrassed to let him see my doodles. :))
PROM NIGHT! Everybody transformed. Everybody was pretty and handsome and even tho we were all "we'll rape the buffet table tomorrow night!" we didn't because everybody was dancing and having fun. One of the best nights ever! Too bad it had to end.
Oh, and received a bouquet from him. Gawd, I love you!
Bonding with Lamarck the next day.
Named my new teddy(from vday) Mag. :3
El Fili practice with Gali the next day.
Happy birthday to Cher Roda.
Gali at Cheeky's. I think this was when we were on Cheeky's roof. And there were stars. And it was fun.
Gali at our crib again because there were no classes.
Last day of CAT. Me tearing up when Sir Alex gives speeches while we are on our Tikas positions.(idk the english word for that haha)
Perio week! Agh!
El Fili presentation. Our actors nailed it! And we won. Awwyiieeee.
Dancing for the Methodists' anniversary at our Phase's covered court.
Watched a movie with MJ.
Ronnie came overr.
Victory Party party at Fab.K's! Drinking session. Drunk!Ronnie and drunk!Johen ftw! :))
Grad practices.
House episode, Bombshells, just broke my Huddy heart into tiny little pieces. Whyyyy.
Ohh. March was filled with some bad vibes. :(
Mcdo with A4 again. Good times.
Announcement of honors! Asdfghjkl. The batch was jampacked with honor students! Batch ritual again. GV!
Tim's Bday celebration at Tim's. Awkward moments.
Gela's surprise children's party at the Eco-Park.
Kuya Brian went home after 5 years.
Received my NookColor! Oooh lala.
Lamarck at Winnie's. We swam on Bading's inflatable pool. Uhhh. It wasn't actually called swimming but there were lots of water involved. Also tried to learn how to do the Rubik's cube but failed.
Random.. Idk when I finished Mockingjay. HAHA. During the Palaro week, I guess.
Baccalaureate Mass.
Gali at Fab.K's party where in my expectation of having a fun night with friends wasn't met because the night was a total opposite. :(
CAT graduation. Ronnie introduced himself to my mother. Dun dun dunnnn.
Dance at the Methodist Church. Our God is an awesome God. ♥
General Rehearsal for the graduation.
Graduation. Crying at Fab.K's valedictory speech. And at the other parts of the ceremony. Crying while singing the Grad song, Invincible, which was composed by awesome batchmates. Crying while singing the alma mater song. And the DLA hymn. Last batch ritual. Met Ronnie's mom. It was a really special night.
The next day was my birthday! Party at our office for Lord Ann, Ate Girlie, and me. Also a very late party for my Kuya's graduation. Friends came over. Got a guitar from him! KV. Overnight with friends at our place. The 5 minutes of silence game. Cher Roda seeing a ghost outside our dining room. Cher Roda jumping of the sofa because of the noise our dog's chain makes. Sleeping at almost 5 in the morning.
Vacation at Hong Kong. Missed Gali's swimming.
Got my student permit that summer.
Ronnie's birthday! Which was a bit sad at first but it got better :)
Had my haircut. Short hair, awyieeee.
Manaoag with the family.
Joined the Sales Planning at Batangas for 3 days and 2 nights. Swimming with cousins. Fuuuuun.
Physical and Dental at UPM. First time to enter the campus. Start of college life! :o
Enrollment.
Went to Capiz, mom's province. The beach there's beautiful. The sand isn't white but it's way finer than other sands I've stepped foot in.
Orientation and Psych test at UPM. Campus tour.
Went back to California.
Played FF XIII during the day. Shopping during the afternoon until the night.
Hiking with family at Malibu Creek. Hiking.. or trekking? Idek.
Went to my brother's attorney. He's Filipino and well, he's awesome.
May21. The date where people thought it was the end of the world while we were at Six Flags riding extreme rides and rollercoasters. Best place to spend your last day in.
Oh, and first time to cry during a ride. Six Flags Magic Mountain's Superman Returns did that to me.
And also first time to feel like puking because of a rollercoaster. Dayum, I love rollercoasters.
Knott's Berry Farm with the family the next day. First time in years!
Visited the Ronald Reagan Library. It wasn't actually a library. It was more of a museum.
Big Bear Lake with the family. First time to see and feel snow! The lake is beautiful and the scenery was amazing.
Went back to Manila.
3 consecutive days of bonding with my love. Right after we went home. :">
Went to Nueva Ecija with relatives and then swimming at Nipa Hut Resort where in they have this big slide!
6th monthsary with Ronnie was spent at home. We watched P.S. I Love You(he didn't watch that much. haha), ate a Quarter Pounder, got caught by Mom because I didn't ask permission that he was coming over(fail), and jammed to our fave songs.
Felt lonely because parents went to HK so my cousins came over for a sleepover before school finally starts.
Freshman Welcome Assembly at UPD. Became our Block's representative for Ms. Freshie. :|
CAS College Orientation at PGH. Block lunch at Mang Inasal! Mmmmm, food.
DPSM Orientation. Start of classes.
Auditions. :|
Bonding with daddy.
Tambay with Cha, Oca, S.Erbert and Ronnie. Watched A Walk to Remember with them. HAHA.
Got introduced to bluff. Got introduced to my blockmates' condos. Haha.
Bonding with cousins. (my planner's filled with bondings, don't you think?)
More bonding with daddy then with my cousin.
First time to have SEX.
Sinangag EXpress. =))
BCS.
Handog.
Lunch date with my love.
More school stuff.
New girlcrush: Mich Talusan from BS Bio.
Won an Angry Birds plushie from Tom's World. Havey!
Tasted Cerealicious cereals for the first time. Mmmmmm.
Field trip at National Museum. Woo. Exciting :|
*insert more bondings and meetings at Rob with Ronnie here &hearts*
Human Chess where in Block11 lost. HA.
Field trip at Quezon. Heart-to-heart talk with blockmates. Swimming. Fun night with Block11. Went to Kamay ni Hesus. Scorching weather was scorching.
No classes: gala with Gali at ATC! Also a date with Ronnie. Heee. Lazertag! Shakey's!
Date with my love. Heeeee. We date a lot. :P
Collin's birthday. Yummy cake from Caramia. Group picture at Kameraworld with friends.
Watched Rice at PGH. Koreans are such cuties. Thai women are beauties. And Filipinos.. well. Haha.
BCS Week! Yeah. :| Bonding with Ronnie. :)
1st time to join a rally! All thanks to Little Hermie's words of wisdom.
Wore something "lacey" to school. Never gonna do that again.
Dudel's first birthday!
Met daddy at Rob. :">
Played PS3 with Ronnie for our 10th anniversary.
Parents left for the US. :(
End of 1st sem classes.
Sembreak! Lazy days with cousins ftw. Went to Intra for the first time. Watched In Time with my love.
Start of 2nd sem.
Read A Walk To Remember. :') :'( :')
Photoshoot for Vibrancy at Chinese garden.
Bonding with Ronnie at SM Manila.
Parents came home! :) Pasaluboooong!
Geo11 = comedy bar.
Start of of Christmas season. Yay.
Vibrancy at Tomas Morato.
NSTP at Boys' Town Marikina.
Bought Life Adventures and Monopoly Deal.
Happy Anniversary, Ronnie! ♥ Skipped classes to spend time with him. No, I am not a rebel.
DPSM and Block Christmas Party.
Bowling with blockmates. Saw Paeng Nepomuceno play bowling in person.
Last day of classes before the Christmas break. Didn't watch the Lantern Parade because.. yeah.
Went to DLA to crash their Christmas party. Jk.
My brother's wedding.

And the rest was blogged here. :D

It's a really really reallyyyyyy long list, I know. But those moments are very special to me. 2011 wasn't the best but it sure was great. Now, I'm ready for the next year. 2012, please be good.

Just like that.

2011-12-29T21:51:00.002+08:00

Gali came over to our house this afternoon. I wouldn't really consider it as Gali 'cause Gali is when there's more than 10 Gali people included. Well, that's what I think. There were only 8 of us there in our living room. Nevertheless I still had fun because I didn't want my negative thoughts to ruin the day. Anyways, we didn't do much actually. Shared stories. Heard some juicy ones. Ate food.(dayum i always eat food. whyyyy) It wasn't like before but the hanging out and hearing of stories made me feel like it was. It would've been better, tho, if we were all together wearing our DLA uniforms inside room416. But we can never relive Senior Year. All we can do is remember and reminisce and just.. miss those moments. :) /dramaBea

Happy holidays!

2011-12-28T20:14:00.004+08:00

The past few days have been really awesome because of Christmas and my brother's birthday. It's really nice to spend time with the family. It would've been better though if my eldest brother was here at home, too.

Christmas Eve

Dinner here at our house. Parcutela's and Besa's came over and murdered our dining table. The living room was freakin' crowded because of the aunts and uncles and cousins and nephews and nieces inside. We put Kuya BJ on Skype and then connected the laptop to our TV so that everyone in the room could talk to him. Food galore! And then hung out with my cousins inside my room 'cause we're a bit antisocial like that.

Then they started unwrapping their gifts while I awkwardly stood and took pictures of them.

The guests started to leave so Mama opened hers and I was delighted to see her appreciate my gift to her and Papa. Then, I unwrapped my gifts and was as happy as a kid on Christmas Eve. Loving and being loved in return feels awesome. Received a bag, a stuffed toy, a towel set, 2 tops, a blouse, a belt, an eyeshadow, an iPhone case, a cologne set, a shirt, a pouch, a cute li'l planner, and a slap watch from awesome friends and loved ones. It doesn't matter if I didn't receive much. What matters is that people cared enough to give me one. Haha.

And here's a gorgeous bag from my love! Asdfghjkl. Just what I wished for. *kilig vibes*

Christmas Day

Went to the province for Christmas Day. Roadtrip! Soundtrip galore. Mass at Gapan.Cemetery. Food galore(again)! Hung out with cousins. Photoshoot. Went to the ancestral home which is a bit dilapidated already. Lunch. More hanging out. Gigil mode because of cute nephews and nieces. Headed to Mcdo. Stuck in traffic at Baliwag for almost an hour. Arrived at Mcdo. Quarter Pounder! Headed home. Freakin' tired. Lord Ann, Brena and I started writing on our planners. Sort of freaked out when I realized the long to-do list I have to achieve before classes start again. Sleep.

Kuya Bonn's Bday Celebration

So for my bro's birthday, Mama checked us in Balai Isabel at Talisay, Batangas. My Aunt's vacation house was already finished so we tried living in it. Lolwhut. With us were my other brother's wife's family.(didya get that?)

Family picture with Kuya Bonn's girlfriend and Kuya Brian's wife.(successful relationships ftw!)

Pigged out. For the nth time.

Walked around the resort for a while since we didn't want to swim yet. Because 1)there were a lot of people and 2)the sun was still up and we didn't want to get sunburns.

Then we tried to skip rocks. I will never learn how to master that skill. Le sigh. It was exhausting, btw. Plus, our arms were sore the next day.

Decided to swim by nighttime. The pool and the lights were very pretty.

Went back to the house for dinner then we played Monopoly Deal and hung out before going out again.

They found a bonfire and started dancing around it.

It was late and it was raining so we decided to go back and hit the sack. The bed was really comfy but I didn't get a good sleep because of bad dreams.

The next day, we swam some more before finally checking out.

Really really exhausted and fat right now. Yes, fat. Freakin' fat because of the holidays. Oh well. I will lose all these tabs real soon! Super happy, tho. It's good to take a rest from all the acads that make going back to school very dreadful. Tmrw will be another fun day but I hope I can finish this to-do list I have before the week ends. 2012 is coming! I'm excited.

I'm going back to the start.

2011-12-23T22:32:00.001+08:00

Hello, reader. As you may have noticed, I removed all my blog posts from 2008 until now. That means I removed everything. I decided to do that last night when I realized there's no point in letting other people read and learn about my past. Who cares, right? What's important is what's happening now. Now is all about living for the present while learning from the past and preparing for the future. Yes, there's a bit of multitasking in there but it's not that hard actually. One just has to make every moment matter. Just live and let go of the chains that are keeping all of us restrained from doing our best and what we love. Live. That's what I always tell myself.

Anyhow, it's almost bedtime and I still haven't taken a bath. Talk about proper hygiene. Well, earlier I was about to but then my parents came and told me to come with them to SM for grocery shopping. It was the best opportunity to buy batteries and a game for our obsolete GBA. Super glad it still works! I was able to buy a Pokemon Ruby version for a disappointingly high price and now I'm as happy as a 7 year-old boy receiving a new toy. (lol i rhyme) Good thing, though, that it wasn't fake unlike the one I saw at SM Hypermarket. Freakin' Pokemon has Daisy Duck in it. Oh, piracy. What have you done?

Aside from grocery shopping.. Crap. Just forgot what to say in mid-sentence. Whatevs.

Must take a bath before hitting the sack! Ah, it seems like the vacation is going by too fast. Christmas Eve tmrw and we'll have a family dinner here at home. And then after that, Christmas Day! Happy holidays, guys. :)

(i'm missing california rn. le sigh)

Edit:
Finally remembered what I was about to say! Hahaha. This morning, I was reminiscing our PSone days and while I was thinking of games to DL for the PSP, I found Suikoden2! It is one of two video games that really touched my heart.(lolwhuuuut) The other was Chrono Cross. Awesome plot is awesome, man. Still downloading it now. I'm so excited to get to play it!..... next year.. or next academic year. Wth, we have no summer vacation. Fml.

Other than that, also found a bunch of UMD's that I never finished playing. Must add that to the long list of games I wanna finish before I die. Phew.

Lastly, found my bro's Polaroid One600! Must. Look. For. Film. It's way prettier than the Fuji Instax.

Speaking of.... pictures! :)

Vain photos are obligatory.

Not the most pleasant face, I know. But look at how cute Ronnie is!